NERVOUS?... MOI?

To say I wasn't nervous about tomorrow would be silly. Part of me has waited so long for this, I just can't wait for it to happen. Other part of me...the part that kept me tossing and turning most of last night and probably again tonight is very scared.

The little girl in me is frightened. I can't help it. Yes I have every confidense in my Doctor and his abilities. Of that I am thankful. Also, as frightened as I may be, I know this will altimately safe my life.

My little voice however is afraid of being on an operating table for an hour and a half. Having no control of what happens.... Of dying.

I certainly don't mean to come off as melodramatic...please don't interpret it that way. I do nonetheless look at things with logic. You just never know what could happen. People have died from lesser interventions. Things just happen. Because of that I have no choice but to see the possibility of it happening to me.

The only thing I can do is to make sure I am going in there knowing my things are in order. Try and take responsability of what could happen. For that reason, I wrote out my will. Made sure things were clear and easy. Knowing it's done makes me breath easier. It's not an official one , we plan on doing a legal one this spring but this one will be binding anyway. Signed and dated etc.

Chris ofcourse, bless his heart wants nothing to do with it. Has whole heartedly *warned* me that I am stuck with him for many many more years whether I like it or not lol. Oh and if I die, he will kill me! Love that man.

So as I sip my favorite glop...knowing in my heart I will miss it after tomorrow.....NOT! I realize that tomorrow will be the start of a whole new and better life for me. Easy? Certainly not. Worth it? Absolutely!

We leave here at 5am tomorrow. Check in at 6am. My surgery is scheduled first, which is a good thing. No waiting. I will be ICU for the first day only if all goes well. We are bringing my laptop hoping that I can log on if I am bored. Or when Chris has to leave to come home.

So basically my next post should be to tell u I am alive and well!!!! Hugs 0x0x0x