OMG THIS SERIOUSLY SUCKS!

OK, it's day 6 of this liquid diet. I am about ready to chew off my own arm.

I just read that and it sounds like a post from someone on a deserted island. Starving with no food lmao!

Ok, not an island here but I am going mad, does that count? So as I was saying....day 6. The first day when I tasted the chocolate Optifast for the first time I though.....Hmm not bad. By day 2 I thought.....Omg I hate this crud!......BUT I am not hungry persay...it manages to fill a person up. I have to take 4 per day. Mixed with water..shaken up, it becomes thick. I also can't down it. I have to learn to drink it over 30 minutes. Why? because after surgery I will have to drink everything slow including water.

Water! Omg. I have to drink 2 litres a day of the stuff!..THANK GOD for Crystal Light. I can add that to it. Makes it easier to drink.

So I am basically constantly drinking something.....oh yeah and constantly having to go to the bathroom if u know what I mean.

I am convinced that this is as much a psychological test of the will as it is a thourough cleaning of the insides. Anyone able to do this for 2 weeks is damn determined to go through with the surgery. Thank goodness I can chew sugar free gum..it gives me something to chew on lol, so Chris went out and got me about 10 different kinds of gum packs so I would have choices. What a guy!!

Think about it....if this were an endurance race?...ppl like me (fat ppl) should get a freaking Olympic Medal !! To go through 2 whole weeks of a liquid diet...BEFORE surgery.

In case you're wondering...I have lost 6 lbs since Tuesday.

My blood sugars are remaining stable. I have to check them 4 times daily before each Optifast but I will have to call my family doctor tomorrow....the numbers are hovering just at the low/normal limit. We will have to adjust my meds so I don't basically go into a COMA...

Ok..so to top off this tiny blip of discomfort in preparation to my surgery, here comes the real stressful part.......YES THERE IS MORE!

It's not enough to deal with the stress related to the surgery itself. I have to deal with the finances. As I have mentioned before, we started bank stuff, in the beginning of Dec! Yes, I said Dec!...everything approved!...yet, paperwork to get done was started to a point then had to backtrack, things weren't right (bank stipulates) Notary has to talk to bank, back and forth. It was and is a nightmare. FINALLY.. bank calls last Friday to say, notary makes final signature appointment yada yada...So I leave message on Notary's machine begging for her to make room for us Monday morning...(fingers crossed)....But get this, even after everything is Notorized...it takes the bank ANOTHER 48 hrs to OK everything GRRRR!! WTF!

OH, did I forget to mention that payment for the surgery is one week BEFORE surgery!...so even if we get into the signing monday morning...there is no way in hell that we will have money by the next day!......

Normally I am a pretty calm person. Takes alot to really ruffle me up. Granted I am emotional and full spirited but for the big stuff, I am calm and good under pressure.
This month however has me frazzed. BEing at the mercy of so many ppl who wouldn't give a flying fuck about me has not been easy. I realize everyone has a job to do and go home and forget about it. Thats life. Just gets frustrating and hopeless feeling like now.

There are very few times in my life where I have been very very upset and anxious. When I get that way, I am physically sick. This happens very rarely. I am a strong person for. Anyone who knows me would agree. So for me to be this anxious is totally out of character but this stress is too much.

I could be sick at any given moment. At a time when the little in my stumach has to stay there at all costs. Just trying to keep stuff down has been a struggle....I keep repeating to myself
''THIS TOO SHALL PASS''
It's one of the sayings that has gotten me through many things ...but untill I actually get there...OMG THIS IS HARD!

If there happens to be a rich person out there reading this and wants to donate or lend the remaining 15 grand directly to the hospital for my surgery before or on Tuesday....I think I could actually stop dry heaving with stress .TMI I know.

Ha, who am I kidding....miracles like that just don't happen.

I am also sure that many found this hard to read all the way through, I don't blame them. I write it for me...to let it out. I hope that months from now, if all goes well (praying) I can look back on this page and thank goodness that I am not feeling this way anymore .

Thanks for the continued support I have recieved from ppl out there and good friends I know I can count on to let me bend their ear. HUGS