Saturday, July 29, 2006

Antique Heirloom

I mentioned on a previous post how Chris' mom gave me a ring. Before leaving France to be here for the wedding, I asked Chris to ask his mom if she had anything old in her jewelry box that I could borrow to wear on my wedding day.

She brought a small box of trinkettes..each piece different from the other..a religious medal, a brouch, a pin and a ring. The ring was the nicest thing in there and because I have small fingers it fit my ring finger on the right hand. As u can see on the photo, it has 3 stones in the middle and a circle of tiny pearls all around. It was missing one of the pearls but I didn't mind. It really wasn't noticable and besides it was about wearing it on my wedding day as part of a tradition. I was just glad I had something from Chris' side of the family to wear on my wedding day.

The day after the wedding I made sure to put the ring back in a small box to return it to my motherinlaw as soon as possible. I felt bad because in the wearing, it lost 2 more of the tiny pearls. She looked at me surprised when I gave it back, she said that I must have misunderstood. The ring was for me to keep! I was so surprised. Had I known that I would never have chosen the ring. She was adamant and then went on to tell me that it was her great grandmothers ring! Also the ring was over 150 yrs old!!! OH Lordy!! I was so touched that she would give me something so precious.

After they left Canada, we took it to our jeweler..the same who made our wedding rings. She took one look at the ring under her microscope and said WOW.. this is a nice antique ring. She rarely saw rose cut diamonds aswell. I didn't know what the stones in the middle were. She explained that they were indeed diamonds but they were what they called ROSE CUT because it was BEFORE they started cutting diamonds the way they do now with precise symmetrical cuts that make them sparkle more...She said we had a nice piece here , very precious in terms of it's history and workmanship. She also said she would be able to replace the pearls and clean it up some.

As you can see, she did a great job. Replaced the tiny pearls..which was not easy, she had to find some to match. She also reglued the existing ones so they wouldn't just pop off and polished the gold. I was also told to only wear it on special occasions. It is a VERY old ring after all lol. So we took this pic to send it to Chris' mom so she can see that I got it repaired. I think she will be pleased.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


They went...Chris and Cleo.
In this small plane. Cleo wanted to go along for Chris' first flying lessen. We think she got the bug herself. She loved every minute of it. Chris said you should have seen the look on her face when he asked what the age limit was to take flying lessons. Her grin was from ear to ear when the guy informed them that a person could start at the age of 14. ...Needless to say, we will have to think about it. If it's something she REALLY wants..or has a passion for, it could come in handy for the future as an incentive to work towards....
She had fun getting this flight on videotape so I could see some of it. If you are wondering why I wasn't there often as I have flown in my life..(maybe 30 times or more) as much as I appreciate the convenience, I really don't like to fly. I steel myself through any flight (with what looks like outward calm) but untill I actually get to my destinations, I do not BREATH with ease. Hense, if I have a choice, I chose NOT to fly lol. But my fears would never prohibit Chris (or Cleo for that matter) from pursueing a dream of flying.

As for Chris...WELL!! HE LOVED EVERY SECOND!... As soon as they landed, he called me and made sounds resembling euphoric glee and an orgasm all at once...I almost peed myself listening to him. Needless to say he was HAPPYYYY... He went on to tell me all about the flight. He did most of the flying and even landed the plane a few times. Please be assured that in no way were they in danger. The instructor was very vigilent. It actually helped Chris that he has been flying with a computor simulator for yrs. It helps alot in terms of knowing the instruments and such...but nothing can simulate the movement of the plane in the air with the wind factor or weather conditions among other things ofcourse.

We really hope to be able to continue his lessons with the objective of obtaining his liscence. It may take yrs but thats will be the fullfilling of a passion for Chris, no matter how long it takes.

Friday, July 21, 2006


Title hard to understand? Bare with me lol.

Lots has happened this week...most important is that we all did an hour of councelling at the centre. We met up with same lady as before but my daughter met her counceller she had her first session...the even better news is that she agreed to go back YAY!..I honestly think it was a matter of not wanting to be rude by saying no to her councellor when asked...and hey If IT WORKS.. who cares lol.....we go back next week.

We were supposed to go to La Ronde afterwards but her cousin couldn't come and her friend was busy also so we will try to go another time. We did have a good lunch after the session though. I didn't pry, but she seemed in a good mood...

Other news......A dear friend of ours had heart surgery for Supraventricular Tachycardias - SVT...on Wednesday...She explains it all here. .... The electric system of her heart would go screwy and it was NOT a good thing to have or live through. I could not begin to understand. I can only go by what she has tryed to explain to us about how it felt and how scary it was everytime it happened. ...They had postponed the surgery once already so needless to say we are glad it was finally done this week. We love you Rae. BIG HUGS!
Chris and I really NEED a break. At the moment he is on holiday from work for another week which is nice but we still can't do much because of our borders. I desperately have to get out of the house for a few days atleast.

With all the stress of shoulder muscles have become so tight that there are moments I can barely stand the pain. We had not made any honeymoon plans up till now. We were not sure we could afford one frankly. After paying for the wedding, we were inclined to think it would be sometime this winter if lucky.

We thought about it and made the decision that we NEEDED to get away, even if it's only 4 days. We have to do it after his vacation is over but we can still go from Mon. to Thurs in the 2nd week of Aug.


I can't wait!....The funny thing is .....I have lived in 6...yes count them...6 Provinces in Canada...even Toronto for a whole year and NOT seen the NIAGRA FALLS.

So we are off for 4 days, 3 luxurious nights to the honeymoon capital of Canada....We will be at The Embassy Suites Niagra Falls Hotel My only stipulation to luxury was to have a 2 person jacuzzi or whirlpool tub in our room. Well ofcourse that means u are in a whole other bracket of rooms but hey ITS MY HONEYMOON.... We want to have fun, be silly and make memories....hense my dire need to find a set of water colour body paints hehe....I will let u use your own imagination at this point, but don't forget to add the view of the magestic niagra falls through the window while lounging in the tub hehe.

Yesterday, we went out and got the paintset and a bathing suit for Chris. The hotel boasts a spa and swimming pool aswell and since we don't have a pool at home we plan on getting some swimming in for sure.

A supper added bonus is if everything goes well, we will be able to meet up with a chat buddy we have known for yrs...Sue lives in ontario so it will be awesome to meet her in the flesh after all these years!....We also hope to see our other friends from the internet, Rae and her man Ry during our stay, they have made the trip here so its cool that it's our turn.

I am so excited and it's so fun to look forward too. I am so glad we decided to do this now. It will do us so much good for so many reasons. Who knows....maybe bodypainting over the falls will soften up these tight shoulder blades.

PS....I just added my Flickr Photo site over there to the right for easier access...>
I have also added a bunch more pics recieved from my disposable cameras and others who sent me their digitals. Just click and it will bring u to the pics.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Maintaining Sanity

Things have been livable in the past week. My daughter has been holding up her part of the bargain and been in early every evening. It helps that she has to be up early to catch the bus at 6:30 am for school. Nonetheless it has calmed things down. We have also tryed to keep things on an open note, also encouraging doing a few things together. We took her and her cousin out Thurs to go do some shopping, have supper out and take in a movie. It was a pretty good day. Cleo even found a cpl pieces of clothes she loved so I got them for her. Keep in mind, she hates to shop, it has always been like pulling teeth lol.

It was a very positive day for many reasons. She needs to have those with us as much as we have to be firm parents aswell.

We rented a bunch of movies last night and stayed up late watching them. Today Chris took both girls to a place called Arbraska ...they have wanted to go for ages. It's one of those forest sites where u do climbing, suspension bridges and pully systems from one tree to another etc...It has 5 different levels of difficulty...they started with the easy but Chantal copped out after a short time, she isn't really the sporty type so opted to sit it all out instead...oh well it was the thought that counted lol.....they refunded the entrance fee atleast which was close to $30....Chris and Cleo went for the Extreme level and they both had a ball. Cleo was afraid at a few places but forged ahead....they arrived home, happily exhausted and drenched with sweat and very hungry lol.

Tomorrow will be a quiet day but Tuesday, we ALL.. me, Chris and Cleo go to that councelling place. She will be meeting her advocat /councellor..Hope that goes well. We planned to go to La Ronde in Montreal after that. It is a theme park with rides and such. It will round out the day and fun will be had by all lol. Hopefully.
I look forward to all of it. Will keep you posted.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


I was sent this in an email by a friend. I just had to share it. The more I read down, the more I was totally blown away. Putting mankind in perspective this way, really makes it easier to comprehend and realize how lucky I am or you are. Please take a moment to see for yourself by reading this.


This is quite an eye opening...
If we could reduce the worlds' population to a village of precisely 100people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographicswould look something like this:
60 Asians
12 Europeans
5 US Americans and Canadians
8 Latin Americans
14 Africans?

49 would be female
51 would be male


82 would be non-white
18 white


89 heterosexual
11 homosexual


33 would be Christian
67 would be non-Christian


* 5 would control 32% of the entire worlds wealth, and all of themwould be US citizens?

* 80 would live in substandard housing?

* 24 would not have any electricity (And of the 76% that do have electricity, most would only use it for lightat night.)

* 67 would be unable to read?

* 1 (only one) would have a college education.

* 50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation?

* 33 would be without access to a safe water supply?

* 1 would have HIV?

* 1 near death

* 2 would be near birth

* 7 people would have access to the Internet

If? you take a look at the world from this condensed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes evident.
Think of it!
If you woke up this morning with more health than sickness, you are luckier than the million that will not survive this week.

* If you have never experienced a war,

* the loneliness of an imprisonment,

* the agony of tortures

* or famine

You are happier, than 500 million persons in this world.
If you are able to go to church, mosque or synagogue without fear ofharassment, arrest, torture or death, you are happier, than 3 billion persons in this world.
* If there is a meal in your refrigerator

* if you are dressed and have shoes

* if you have a bed and a roof?over your head are better off, than 75% of people in this world.

If your parents are still alive and still married, then you are a rarity.

* If you have a bank account

* some money in your purse

* and there is something in your coin box belong to 8% of well-provided people in this world.

If you read this text, you are blessed three times as much, because...
1. Someone has thought of you

2. You do not belong to those 2 billion people that cannot read

3. and... you have a computer

Someone once said:
* Work like you don't need money,

* Love like you've never been hurt,

* Dance like nobody's watching,

* Sing like nobody's listening.

* Be surprised, like you were born yesterday.

* Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything,

* Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

This is your World!
And you are able to make changes!
Hasten to do good works!
Think of it!

Sunday, July 09, 2006


I am amazed at how many ppl took the time to comment. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your support, advise and kindness will and has served a big purpose. We have recieved invaluable information and ideas.

After the night out and cops fiasco, she calmed down somewhat. I realize the calms between storms will be short lived but atleast we catch up on sleep during those moments.

It is also during those down times that some of the conversations seem less sermin-y and more mutual talks persay. I also do not fool myself in thinking its all sinking in and any teen knows how to say the right things at the right time when it serves their purpose...BUT... here again, in order to do that, they have to listen to most of what u say in the moment.....Every little word counts.

We had her cousin Chantal here for a few days, they are very close and Chantal thankfully isnt into the drug scene...she is abit older then my daughter aswell and she likes to spend time here. We took the girls downtown Montreal on thursday. It was an awesome day. Sunny and not humid. St. Catherine St. is the main strip in Montreal and a place we rarely go but they wanted to and it is also where the Jazz Festival is held. Some streets blocked off and hords of ppl. So we walked around, shopped abit, and listened to some jazz. Just being out together without the black cloud of the last weeks was what we needed. It disapated the tension and we had some fun. It was later that night at home that we were able to have a pretty decent conversation as I was saying above.

We have put down some ground rules...I for once am so thankfull she has 3 weeks of summer classes to get her credits and start her last yr of highschool with a clean slate.

It will mean having to take the bus to another school, at 6:30 am to be there for 8am...meaning she will be up at the butt crack of dawn to get is till she will be busy 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Just that will cut into *friends* time and the new rules start tomorrow (monday) that she has to be here for supper and be in the house by 8: pm every night....if she does that constantly for a week, I will add 30 mins.

She gets it, also thinks it sucks lol...but like I told her, she burned all her bridges in no time, so now she has to build up our trust in her all over again. Make better choices and come to the councelling sessions we are starting on the 18th.

Among other things, we have been taking note off all the phone numbers that call here and making a list of friends we don't know. We also got rid of the alcohol in the house...we rent a storage place so its all there now. We also took the handles off her bedroom windows and changed the alarm code for the house. We check her room often for anything and her purse also...anytime she leaves it unattended.

These are all small steps but they are paramount and fruitfull. Some of these very ideas come from total strangers that took the time to comment...and even keep in touch.

It is ppl like these that help us keep the faith in human kindness during a time of disparity . The support and the understanding. But mostly the parents who shared their own experiences and heartbreak are the only ones who totally understand what it is to go through this. I thank you for opening up your hearts to write about something so difficult and personal.

I know this roller coaster ride is just beginning....and as I was writting this, my daughter who was at her friends house till she had to go to her weekend kitchen job in a resturant...called to say she didn't feel well and wasn't going in. ....I told her that was find, but....... 1. She had to let the Resturant know.
2. She had to get her arse home, pronto.
She said..but school isn't till tomorrow mom....Yes, but the only reason, the 8pm curfew wasn't in effect weekends, is because u work till if your to ill to work, your too ill to be out with friends...period.
She came home and called the resturant......thankfully.

So ...the games begin, end and stay aloft all at the same time lol. Man, we parents sure have to keep alert and on our toes. I will keep updating as things progress and strategies either work or turn out to be duds. Keep up the support and let me know what your thoughts are along the way........hugs to all.

Monday, July 03, 2006


Words can hardly discribe what a parent goes through when they are faced with the nightmare of their child turning into someone they don't know.

My beautiful, kind, funny, goofy daughter has left the building. In her stead is someone who resembles her but has an empty look in her eyes, a different attitude in her demeanor and a cold tone to her voice.

We knew the teen yrs would not be easy, god knows we were also there once...Under different circumstances I was on my own in an apartment at 16 but that is a whole other post for another day.

The fact is, my daughter has met a whole new crowd...not a very healthy one at that. This happened less then 2 months ago so we started dealing with issues weeks ago. I was blogging about the wedding plans and all but among the joys of that I was dealing with a knot in my stumache concerning other things going on.

She started getting stoned, I saw it almost immediately. They think we parents are totally clueless...they can't fathom that we were once that age or that we can also be in the *know* about a few more things then them.

We then found stuff* hidden in her room. Harder then just pot. I would like to be able to blame the New Friends..and make them responsible for all that is happening with my daughter...they sure have helped BUT she made her own choices here. No one forsed her.

We consulted our friend who is a cop about how to proceed. He has even spoken to schools and parents about drugs and trouble in the past. He had a few good pieces of advise. ...My first instincts were to lock her in a room and swallow the key...and its the last thing I should do. He urged that we talk, we try to discuss, we keep the lines of comunications open, rather then closing them right off the bat. He was kind and caring towards us in explaining that it happens to the best of families. That there are steps that can be taken and tools to gather. I just keep asking myself where we went wrong. I have had the wind knocked out of me...and Chris is at my side trying to breath also. He has grown to love my daughter. My daughter's father has been late in the gate...took him a few clues to realize where we were at...but started taking things seriously.

We all talked to her, each in our own time ...trying to stay calm and open to discussion. Trying to get across to her that we loved her, we were afraid with what is happening, we want to understand...we want to help in any way...and if there was anything we could do to get through these things together.

This was a few weeks before the wedding...I even told her that if in anyway, she had problems with me getting married, although she always got along great with Chris...and I thought it would make a difference, I would cancel everything in a heartbeat...nothing was more important then her.

I also said that we couldn't keep her away from her friends, but we hoped that she would make better decisions. Keep her wits about carefull and not just do any drugs without thinking. If she had any questions, we would find the answers.....all this went in an ear...did it all stick?...who our friend said...she may not want to say a word, and she hardly did, but the important thing was to say them anyway.

I would also like to blame my daughter dad and his gf for my daughters run to drugs. But again I can't do that either..and again though, it has helped. For the past few yrs since his gf moved in, she seemed to like to be ex always avoided taking charge solet her do it...this just always alientated Cleo more from the Gf...and it started causing major comflicts...Cleo would try to talk to her dad but instead of listening, he would go into automatic *defending gf mode* and blaming got to a point where she consulted a psychologist at school. It seemed to help and after school was out, we were going to continue with another one outside the school (because she was not allowed to see students outside school)..but she had summer school last yr and then we were off to Alberta and Sask on vacation. She had a great time and things seemed to calm down. She didn't want to consult someone else at that point.

I tryed doing stuff with her and also tryed keeping her busy...for instance, she wanted dance lessons, she got them. She wanted to learn the piano, my dad bought her one and started lessons right away. She is very good....She lacks for nothing...part of me wonders if that could also be part of it. She isnt spoiled rotton. She never asked for clothes or money, she hates to shop so she isn't one of those but she also knows we are pleased to get her the few things she does want.

Yes, I am banging my head on the wall....Things have escalated at a very fast short order, she has lost total respect for us and any rules. Started coming in late, respond rudely, doesn't give a shit about anything. We , Chris and I got a meeting with a centre for Drug action and information in our area. We spent an hour talking about all this and will continue to get councelling on our part to uptain tools and information. We will also be getting Cleo in to see someone at the same time ...She would get her own advocate who she can talk to and who is by law required to keep what ever she says confidential. This is how we sold Cleo the idea, she kinds shrugged and said whatever...I hope that once in there , she will open up. These ppl are trained to know what to do, and hopefully she will want to continue. ...The real pity is that with everyones holidays, we cant go till the 18th.

Her dad means to go there to...but we have been trying to deal with this together...its not perfect but we are comunicating. Cpl weeks ago when she was late and called to say she was staying at a friends house, we said NO WAY.. he called me right away, and it being a night of celebration here in Quebec, thousands of youths and ppl were in a huge part to enjoy the festivities...I told my ex, to grab me in passing and we would go get her together. We did just that. Called her on the cell, told her we were there waiting at the icecream place etc etc...took her and 3 of her friends home. We won that battle together that night.

Already , things are going from bad to worse ...we tryed being open to having her friends over , even had 3 girls sleep over...our thoughts on that were, better here then out there...well, didnt take long to see wasn't really helping...and by association...there were other characters showing up out of the blue...wanting to talk to the other girls etc...come to find out, that they robbed a house across the street...then came to talk to my daughters friend..then left with the bike of the other friend...leaving a pair of shoes they stole from across the if to say, haha we stole your bike but here are shoes for u to walk with.

Through talking to our neighbour cop friend ...who knows the other neighbours...figured out that the shoes belonged to them and they had been robbed of other stuff...They did get all back, only because cops acted helped I think because we had called the police earlier to report the seemed to put 2 and 2 together....but we tryed later talking to Cleo about...ppl by association and the problems it could bring. It didn't seem to sink in.

The 2 main friends she has, don't seem to have any time to be in at home, one was here 3 days almost. I could not believe that a parent never called here to ask about her, or to even talk to me and check us out or ask our address. There is no way in hell my daughter would hang out or sleep somewhere I havent talked to first hand. I realize saying that still hasn't prevented what has happened anyway.....I am terrifyed for her.

We started putting our foot down about times and whereabouts. She started to abide by them. Actually coming in a few mins before....We figured out why...She snuck out of the house , from her dad's...but didnt have proof....Then she did it here too....she may have done it a few times but last night was the first I caught it. I had the intuition that I shouldn't go to sleep....I then later went into her room to bring her the dog...and as Cleo often sleeps buried under a mountain of clothes, I thought nothing of it at first, so plopped the dog on her bed and went to give her a kiss while she was sleeping...(cause frankly..its probably the only time I can do that these days)....She was MIA... checked window..was opened a crack with the screen off.

She had slipped out right under my nose....I was even in the living room all evening.
Called her dad, cryed ofcourse and then we agreed that the police should be called. It can only break a parents heart to have to call the cops on their own kid. ...Cops did the rounds, bla bla bla , it was 5:30 am when they picked her up walking home with her 2 friends. They had been drinking. She wasn't drunk at all but I could smell it.

I had to take another stance this time...I told her that if she cared so little for herself I was not about to give up on her regardless...that if I had to call the cops every night I would, if I had to call the numbers of the 2 friends houses to wake them up and be a pain in the ass whether they cared or not, I WOULD......that I had also given numbers from the cell phone bill to the cops of all the numbers I didn't know... with the few names I already new. I also said that I would do anything I could to try and understand what was going on with her, that I would not give up because I loved her. I would be there to help her anytime she needed me but we also wanted some respect. Pulling this crap was just not going to fly. We are on tender hooks now.

If I push to hard, she could run away and we have lost her. If we don't we still lose her.

Give and take with some tolerance thrown in only goes so far. I am walking on razors edge trying to figure out what to do. Thankfully after last night, she didn't leave the house today...I had to go to a hospital appointment with my blind guy and Chris was here today but she didn't try anything. I did manage to get a few hours sleep this morning...Chris worked from midnight to 8 am replacing someone lastnight while this ordeal was unfolding but we were on the phone alot. He took care of the clients this morning when he got home and went to bed after I left for the hospital.

He is gone to work the night shift again...I am steeling myself for another long night...will she ?, won't she?...That is the question.

I had some major experiences growing up and over the yrs...One could think that because of that you would be able to better deal with this kind of thing. As a parent, your objectivity flys out the window..your mind is blank or trying to just breath. I have always been a logical person. I am often the one ppl come to when faced with a problem. I don't know more then anyone else, don't get me wrong but I can often see things with logic that is harder for the person living it. I also try to see things from different perspectives or just find the thread of common sense we sometimes lose along the way. Having said that...this I said...I am totally lost and terrified. I feel helpless and useless all while grasping at straws of help or wisdom.

I realize this has turned into a book....I needed to write it if to only get it off my chest....It is not easy to put on paper any negative writings about ones own child. I only do so in the hope that it can help me put things in some kind of cohesive perspective by writting it out. Hopefully, I can also recieve some helpful advise from anyone who has some out there. Some support or encouragent never hurt either.