Does anyone here speak Dog?

How does one coherently tell a dog that they are confined to one month of bedrest? Seriously, one month of rest is perscribed by the vet. My right lobe understands what she means my left one just laughed at the notion. I sat the dog down and explained as clearly as I could.

She must refrain from using an upwardly perpetual motion to atain the hight of the divan , nor move in an excellerated speed in the yard and ofcourse desist from following the flow of gravity downwards during furniture disinbarkment. I fear she was perplexed at she cocked her head to the side and looked at me with her big black eyes as if to say .....wtf are you on?......Were my instructions not concise?

Let me add that all this was said in french. My dog does not understand english. It would seem though that since she is also on pain killers/anti_inflamitories her ability to heed my instructions has been compromized. I am hoping that if I find someone who speaks in dog* this will be rectifyed inthat it should facilitate comprehension regardless of her altered state. I am however baffled by her cognative recognition in hearing the pill bottle being handled in preparation of administration. Her excitement is overwhelming.

I surmise that I shall have to come to terms with the fact that my dog likes to be stoned and being with this family has turned her into a drug addict. I can't say I blame her all that much. I realize the underlying cause is living with a bunch of nutbars (all of us included with our borders) resulting in irresponsible use in her everyday dog skills, hense back problems. Although assured of her recovery, I now realize this to be a superficial cover up and doesn't begin to scratch the surface.

What is more troubling is my ability to foresee the future. I so dread when she runs out of her meds and starts selling her food to the underground squirrels or other verman to support a dirtier habit to get a fix. Just imagining her free basing in the dark corner of the deck is too much to handle. God forbid she starts to sell herself to the dogs from the other side of the street. Her youthfull beauty fading quickly in this dog eat dog world.

I pray we can prevent the degeneration from occuring. I will need the help and encouragement from friends and family to get us through this. Thank you all so much for listening to my inner crys of help and dire need of support in regard to my still sweet little dog Shinoo.