Tuesday, March 14, 2006

FRIEND OR FOE 4

Here is what happened.

I wrapped the present with shakey hands. Knowing I had to do this regardless of how emotional I was and stealing myself for the chance of getting kicked while I was already down but taking that chance only because it could open the door for discussion even if I had to be the one to do it.

I was pulling up to the house just as her daughter and husband and kids were arriving. Her daughter seemed to not be in a great hurry to get out of the car but the kids ran up the steps. I waited in the car for a min, waiting but she stayed in the car talking to her hubby in no hurry (was she just waiting to see what would happen cause her mom filled her in on a problem in our friendship?) probabably.

So I got out and went up the stairs..the kids had gone in. I rang and she was surprised to see me. I smiled and handed her the gift...saying I had bought is long time ago. She stepped out of the house onto the front porch...closing the door behind her. She says...So are u still mad at me for some reason?...I said, I am more hurt then anything. She then says, Why? tell me. I say...I don't want to wreck your bday we can talk when its a better time. She says No, tell me now.

I told her I was hurt..she says me too..I say why? I did nothing..she says me either.
Ok...I mentioned that I had been hurt that she couldn't offer to go later in the day so I could go to the wedding expo...given that it would have been the original plan had I not changed plans to help her out.
She said, she couldnt change it cause her son was waiting for her. I asked her what would have happened had I not changed my plans then..she said she wouldn't have gone at all.
(She seemed to be clueless at how bad that sounded.) She is on the defensive about everything. Also mentioning its not fair for the sitter had she changed plans....I was like What?..she would have just made more money had she been to my place first then hers later.

I went on to say that it really wasn't about missing the expo, just her total lack of helpfulness ...she says heck, I am the one who called to tell you when it was. (again...why? I don't know...she had the sitter and knew I wouldnt be able to go ) Her still on the defensive.
I then said.... All that aside..
(my voice is shaking, I know all the blood has left my face..I am trying really hard to stay in control).
..what hurt the most is when you said I could go next yr...AREN'T YOU GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR?......
She says....OH WELL I CAN'T REMEMBER EVERYTHING! I HAVE OTHER THINGS GOING ON.
I just looked at her and said...You are my best friend, we have talked about all of this for months on an almost daily basis since oct atleast. When we finally got the ok from france that he was divorsed. (I forgot to remind her that at her partylite evening a week before, she introduced me to a friend of hers saying..this is my friend getting married this June)

OH PULEASE she says...so what ...(then on the defensive again)

I then said...I guess you aren't the friend I thought u were. I was deeply hurt by the whole thing.

She was again...defending whatever...it was gobbledeegoop to me by this time. She didn't want to hear what I was saying at all, or just step back and realize that her friend was Hurt...her pride wouldnt let her. She had to be right no matter what.

This was all done quickly enough and by this time her daughter and hubby had to be taking their sweet time coming up the walk then stopping at the top where they were not giving a seconds thought about leaving us some privacy.

I was already feeling horrible and just wanted to cry...I didn't need an audiance...I just said....
I hope you enjoy your gift and have a nice bday...(this with an extremely shakey voice and not giving her daughter and hubby the benefit of me looking at them. )

Lise just took the gift and said OOKAY in a way that sounded like she didn't care at all.

I calmly (all be it, shakily) turned and walked down the steps and to my car. Knowing that I did all I could do and was the bigger person for it.
The ball is in her court....
I was even hoping that after her bday she would use the excuse of the gift to call and thank me and open the discussion.
It has been 2 days and nothing...so I guess that says it all.

My heavy heart will grow lighter with time.
I am just really sad that her pride, or need to be right, or just absense of heart leads her to losing a long friendship...not being able to step back and think, maybe I did something to hurt my friend...I should try to understand and say sorry ........
I guess our yrs of friendship arent worth that trouble.

I don't need a friend like that in my life.

For those who have followed this story and stopped to comment...THANK YOU I have saveured all your comments and look forward to more.

4 comments:

Utopia said...

I've had similar experiences with people I thought were my friends and then turned out to be self-centered and selfish people. There are a lot of people like this in the world, more than I really want to think about.

Sometimes, we just have to accept them for what they are and move on. No one deserves to be treated horribly or be used like someone's momentary amusement. it really hurts when the moment lasts for a long time before you're "used up".

You seem like a forgiving, honest and open person who cares about people. If your "friend" couldn't see you as that, then it's her loss. She is the one who will be alone in the end.

Rae said...

I love you Moon and I'm sorry that she's an idiot and doesn't realize that she has hurt you so badly... She's missing out on one of the best friends someone could ever find... and all I have to say is her loss is our gain... and you know how much we all love you...I'm just sorry that we aren't all closer to each other...

Kross-Eyed Kitty said...

I say, "good for you!"
She now knows why you are upset, and hurt. She could have apologized, but didn't.
Good riddance! Sometimes you just need to say goodbye to toxic relationships.
It's been a while since I've caught up on blogs. Happy Belated Birthday!
And, I just got married in Las Vegas, and that ended up being the easist way to go!

Bess said...

I'm sorry that your "friend" proved herself to be so lame. But your actions really showed you to be a true friend and definitely the bigger person.

Also, it reminds me of the time in high school when my older brother broke up with his then-girlfriend, after giving her the opal necklace he'd already bought for her. I thought that was such a stylish way to end their relationship, because the whole problem was that he gave more to her, in every way, than she ever gave back. Giving her the necklace was so symbolic of that. But it was also saying, "Take this and enjoy, because from here on, you're not getting anything more from me. You haven't taken anything from me that I wasn't willing to give. And I stand by all that I've given, not because I owed you anything, but because that's the kind of person that I want to be."

In your actions toward your so-called friend, you've taken a stand for generosity, at the same time that you're taking a stand for yourself and your own needs as a friend and a person. That shows a great deal of strength of spirit and of character. It shows what a great woman you are, and how lucky your real friends are to have you. :)