Tuesday, September 28, 2004


I haven't posted in awhile as you may have noticed. I guess the best way to explain why is just simply...nothing to say. I have been in a kinda blue funk. Part is obviously due to the loss of my aunt. Another part is the pure frustration due to my diabetes. I can not repeat enough how aware I am that things could be a lot worse. I also understand that many people are diagnosed with illnesses that can not be helped. I am thankful I have a way of getting better.

Having said that , it is still difficult to come to terms with the little things. I am still quite weak and that leads again to fatigue. I know it will take time for the iron pills to give me more strength , the anemia can't be rectified over night. It is also my yoyo sugar levels that affect me in a same yoyo pattern. Be it with the shakes or over heating, dizziness or just wanting to sleep, it becomes somewhat overwhelming along with the stomach aches, nausea, the runs , not wanting to eat when I should and being so hungry I could eat a horse when I shouldn't.

I freely admit to not being the most patient of persons . I am sure some will agree to that , far to quickly I might add . So , if it can't be fixed NOW , I become impatient, especially when it's about me. All this is the perfect example for that. I have to learn the old adage of one day at a time. Make small improvements . Deal with it slowly.

On a very positive note. I met with the dietician. I was expecting a radical diet change with a horde of other changes. I was pleasantly pleased that it wasn't the case. I really liked her way of thinking and her method of explaining the basic mechanics of diabetes . One thing she said though, struck me. I had always falsely assumed that someone with type 2 diabetes could *cure* or *heal* themselves of the decease if they got to that magic point where all drugs were eliminated and weight was healthy , diet control enabled the proper functioning of the pancreas.
Thus making that person diabetes *free* if you know what I mean. She was adamant about saying that once diabetic ALWAYS diabetic. I think I knew that deep down but didn't want to admit it. I had a warning 14 years before by having gestational diabetes , so I knew I was subject to getting it later on in life...and in so doing I held on to those false beliefs concerning this type of diabetes.

To continue in a positive vain though, I was surprised when the dietician told me to go back to what I was used to eating. I have to say that the day my doctor told me the bad news to the 6 days till seeing the dietician , I barely ate anything. I was almost afraid to eat. Ok so it's not entirely a bad thing given my weight but still. I didn't know how to start. You are told that sugar is bad and all carbs. So what's left???? Your first thought is NOTHING!!!...

As I mentioned, she told me to go back to the way I ate before. I have to admit to feeling relief and trepidation all at once. What she went on to say made so much sense and really helped me to release some pent up tension. She told me that for the next week, I was to write everything I ate, down. Also include all my blood levels . To notice the numbers. We would then go through it all together . She would show me portion sizes , sugar intake, separate the different elements all with my own menu choices. Also point out different ideas for substitutes and just slowly tweak it from there. No radical life changes over night, only building awareness and learning new tricks. As she explained, all diets work FOR A TIME then most people give up and go back to the same bad habits. I couldn't agree more as I already stated my opinion on DIETS in an earlier post. They just make people fat and fatter.

I felt oddly bouncy when I left her office with Chris. She was encouraging and I felt that her method of doing this was a very smart one. I certainly didn't get to this weight by having self control so a slow gradual change is a perfect way to get me through this. Making long term changes that will stick makes so much more sense to me. I have also started walking on the treadmill 10 minutes a day , increasing it when I can. Since hurting my back last year it takes little to feel the pain return. It terrifies me to push to hard. Having spent a month not being able to walk was horrible. I know to take it easy and not push ....one day at a time again.

All in all I am happy that I am learning new things and have started doing others. I am so fortunate to have a very supportive partner. He is my champion, my hero, my rocket man, my savior, my best friend, my Einstein, my lover and best of all he is this uniquely special human that loves me with all his heart as I love him.


Amanda said...

*drowns moonie in hugs and kisses*


oh yeah, i may have caught sue's cold from her blog. Let's just say sharing is caring.

lab munkay said...

Atta girl Moon, keep with a dietician who is real and knows you, as we all are human and will eat like one. (I delt for years with skinny little know it all diet natzi's who would roll their eyes ar the word chocolate.) You also need to drop the thought of "bad" blood sugars - high yes, the word bad will give you a negitive complex. It was always so hard being diabetic when others labled me as a "bad" diabetic for not always having perfect control of my desiese. People just don't get all the factors that can affect that, unlike a thyroid condition, for example were all you do is pop a pill every day and think you are now taking care of yourself. Blood sugar swings so affect you mood and energy, as does the iron thing. Stay tough and beautiful.

Scroller said...

Ironic that sweet people become diabetics.
My mom is type two, lucky she doesnt need to inject.
She controls it with her diet. The finger pricks are a pain. Mind you all pricks are a pain.
You know the best thing here, is you have something new to learn about, even better than that, it is something that will improve your life.
You are lucky to have Chris and he is even luckier to have you. Bless you both.
Lotsa love Carl

Anonymous said...

Go Obi!!!


Anonymous said...

Hugs to moonie, obi and chloe...Moonie so glad you have such a wonderful dietician. One meal, one step, one day at a time. I am here if you need me. Your news got me off my tush and back to the gym. I love ya...Good luck to chloe with her photo op day..What a fantastic opportunity..Charly