ONE DAY AT A TIME

I haven't posted in awhile as you may have noticed. I guess the best way to explain why is just simply...nothing to say. I have been in a kinda blue funk. Part is obviously due to the loss of my aunt. Another part is the pure frustration due to my diabetes. I can not repeat enough how aware I am that things could be a lot worse. I also understand that many people are diagnosed with illnesses that can not be helped. I am thankful I have a way of getting better.

Having said that , it is still difficult to come to terms with the little things. I am still quite weak and that leads again to fatigue. I know it will take time for the iron pills to give me more strength , the anemia can't be rectified over night. It is also my yoyo sugar levels that affect me in a same yoyo pattern. Be it with the shakes or over heating, dizziness or just wanting to sleep, it becomes somewhat overwhelming along with the stomach aches, nausea, the runs , not wanting to eat when I should and being so hungry I could eat a horse when I shouldn't.

I freely admit to not being the most patient of persons . I am sure some will agree to that , far to quickly I might add . So , if it can't be fixed NOW , I become impatient, especially when it's about me. All this is the perfect example for that. I have to learn the old adage of one day at a time. Make small improvements . Deal with it slowly.

On a very positive note. I met with the dietician. I was expecting a radical diet change with a horde of other changes. I was pleasantly pleased that it wasn't the case. I really liked her way of thinking and her method of explaining the basic mechanics of diabetes . One thing she said though, struck me. I had always falsely assumed that someone with type 2 diabetes could *cure* or *heal* themselves of the decease if they got to that magic point where all drugs were eliminated and weight was healthy , diet control enabled the proper functioning of the pancreas.
Thus making that person diabetes *free* if you know what I mean. She was adamant about saying that once diabetic ALWAYS diabetic. I think I knew that deep down but didn't want to admit it. I had a warning 14 years before by having gestational diabetes , so I knew I was subject to getting it later on in life...and in so doing I held on to those false beliefs concerning this type of diabetes.

To continue in a positive vain though, I was surprised when the dietician told me to go back to what I was used to eating. I have to say that the day my doctor told me the bad news to the 6 days till seeing the dietician , I barely ate anything. I was almost afraid to eat. Ok so it's not entirely a bad thing given my weight but still. I didn't know how to start. You are told that sugar is bad and all carbs. So what's left???? Your first thought is NOTHING!!!...

As I mentioned, she told me to go back to the way I ate before. I have to admit to feeling relief and trepidation all at once. What she went on to say made so much sense and really helped me to release some pent up tension. She told me that for the next week, I was to write everything I ate, down. Also include all my blood levels . To notice the numbers. We would then go through it all together . She would show me portion sizes , sugar intake, separate the different elements all with my own menu choices. Also point out different ideas for substitutes and just slowly tweak it from there. No radical life changes over night, only building awareness and learning new tricks. As she explained, all diets work FOR A TIME then most people give up and go back to the same bad habits. I couldn't agree more as I already stated my opinion on DIETS in an earlier post. They just make people fat and fatter.

I felt oddly bouncy when I left her office with Chris. She was encouraging and I felt that her method of doing this was a very smart one. I certainly didn't get to this weight by having self control so a slow gradual change is a perfect way to get me through this. Making long term changes that will stick makes so much more sense to me. I have also started walking on the treadmill 10 minutes a day , increasing it when I can. Since hurting my back last year it takes little to feel the pain return. It terrifies me to push to hard. Having spent a month not being able to walk was horrible. I know to take it easy and not push ....one day at a time again.

All in all I am happy that I am learning new things and have started doing others. I am so fortunate to have a very supportive partner. He is my champion, my hero, my rocket man, my savior, my best friend, my Einstein, my lover and best of all he is this uniquely special human that loves me with all his heart as I love him.