Tuesday, February 21, 2006

FRIEND OR FOE ..Part 2

Some have expressed wanting to know the follow up about this weekend and my *friend. I first want to thank everyone who commented...either on here or otherwise. It helped me alot to know I wasn't being silly or overly sensitive.
So....

I COULDN'T go to the Exhibition..as most well know. She never did try to offer to leave for her thing later in the day. OH WELL dems the breaks. But honestly as much as that sucks, it's not even about that anymore. I was sick all weekend just knowing she could be so heartless and selfish. Just the phrase (OH, Aren't you getting married NEXT year?) with her innocent air...just keeps repeating itself in my head.

Our original nail appointment had been rescheduled for Monday morning because of the storm. I was almost expecting her to cancel it, I didn't want to be the one to do it. I was hoping she would be humble enough to try and save face or say sorry.

Monday morning phone rings, its her, she is all chipper , and says, I'm just out the door on my way.
That told me right off that she was totally putting her head in the sand.
I got in the car and she was like nothing happened...she just chattered away bla bla bla about the weekend. I decided then that if I brought it up, she would deny any wrong doing...(I know her lol) and what would end up happening is I would just be more hurt. ....It wasn't worth more hurt to me. I just sat there and supplied appropriate responses when needed and we went to the nail place.
That part was fun atleast. There were some other woman there and we had a few laughs.

On the way home I spent most of my time looking out the window and keeping quiet...I didn't feel like making small talk to help her feel better if there was any awkwardness. I wasn't being moody or sullen either, just quiet. Hoping maybe she would make the first move. She isn't stupid though, and I know she sensed DUHH... because she was quiet on the way back also.

The first move never happened. I guess she feels if she pretends nothing happened she can live with that fact and sleep at night.

I have to move on knowing she wasn't and isn't the good friend I thought she was. It's a difficult thing to swallow but it will never be the same. I will not open up or have giggle fests with her anymore or spent hours on the phone with her...she apparently only hears* what she wants anyway....OH ARENT YOU GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR?.......

ARG

Friendship AND deceat do not mix. You can NOT be a true friend and lie to their face. It's essencially what this is. I am talking about those CLOSE friends you share everything with. We all have those ppl we call or introduce as a Friend everyday. I am not talking of those kind. But TRUE friends CAN'T do that and expect to maintain that level of closeness or respect even.

So I will continue to get my nails done with her and such but as far as I am concerned, it will also be different. If I let myself get hurt once, thats her fault. If I let her hurt my twice, that's MY fault. Life goes on and friends will come and go.

Hugs

5 comments:

Rae said...

If she was a good close friend she shoulda said something... I'm sorry did you seriously say she picked you up and went on and on about the weekend??
If it was Krammit and I going about a 'fun' day like that.. she woulda cornered me in an instant and woulda been all over me trying to fin dout what was wrong with me and why I wasn't talking...
then again Krammit wouldn't have fucked me up like that either...she woulda said screw her plans lets go to the bridal show

Shannon said...

Ya still got meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

:D

Yeah I know.....scary *shudder*

Rhiannon said...

Hi Moon,

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I can relate to your "friend or foe" story here. I held something in for about 5 months, and stayed away from them most of the time, then finally she asked what was wrong (it was obvious there was)and to tell her. So I did. She knew exactly what I was talking about I saw it in her face and eyes and also the "problem" is on a phone message I have of her doing "It". So she couldn't deny it but she sure tried too! She is a born again Christian and instead of owning up let alone acknowleding what had happened and what she had done and how she hurt me, she instead went on the defensive and tore into me calling me a "Liar" (which she knows is not true I told the truth its on the phone message)and how dare I insult her that she loves "Jesus" and "her God" knows she does and that I was a "sinner" and needed to be baptised and "saved"..Its ironic and funny in a way because I almost knew she would pull this "attitude" on me so I wasn't surprised. I spoke the "Truth" and she plain and simple went into denial and not only that she screamed at me in my face, and wanted an apology from "me". I was so tactful and careful how I brought up the "Issue" but I know she knew the problem all along and my feelings didn't matter nor "Truth", she used God and Jesus as her "cop out" and I have met many that do this. A person that knows me well told me they were proud of me for doing the "conflict resolution deal" knowing I would probably lose the friendship and be taking a risk..but we both agreed anyone who is a "real friend" would not act that way and also turn it on you instead. Its a control thing I think when people do this. Its always they can never do any wrong or they are passive agressive about it until you finally say something then they have a need to make you feel bad and guilty for something you didn't do at all but that they just don't want to take any personal responsibility for! I know if I treated people this way the way she did me they would not like it at all, including herself. I just don't meet many people anymore that want to ever take any personal resonsibility for their actions and how it affects others. But I'm not going to take personal responsibility for her actions only mine..sigh..trust is very hard with people these days..there's so much dysfuntion and lack of respect for others..I sure would like a two way communication relationship, but I am not going to let people keep trying to take advantage of me or walk all over me and think its okay. I give them enough rope to hang themselves a few times then I speak up. Hard lessons I know.

I don't know if this helped or not. I just hope "your friend" doesn't keep hurting you doing these things to you..

Take care now I'm off my blog for a week or two to take care of my concussion and some personal stuff to take care of in my life.

I like your blog I will come back here soon.

Angel Blessing
Rhi

Anonymous said...

I am proud of you...I have a friendship that is like that. We had been real close since we were 11 yrs old...1995,after many of lies and hurts, I knew that she would be the friend thatyou are polite with, but you don't share, you just nod and listen and as you said speak only to agree or disagree to what she has to say, she doesn't know about my life,thoughts or feelings...The pain takes time, the funny thing is she is so into herself, she doesn't think its strange that I don't talk about myself and it has been over 11 yrs...The pain will go away...I understand where you are at,...but love how you handled it..take care, love, Fran

Kross-Eyed Kitty said...

Hi Moon,
Thanks for stoping by my blog!
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles with your friend. It sounds like you do have a lot in common and have shared a lot of things over the years.
For what it's worth, I think what you really need to do, is let her 'own' the fact that she hurt your feelings. Let her know that you are upset that she 'Forgot' when you were getting married, that it is something that is so important in your life right now, and that you had hoped that she would share in your happiness. Let her know that she let you down by not making a compromise with her Saturday schedule to go with you to the Exhibition. Let her know that you rely on your Saturday sitter to allow you a day to do a few things for yourself, and that you are disappointed that your friend was really only thinking of herself, and her needs.
Let her know that while you have always valued her friendship, right now you don't feel like she values the friendship the same way.
One of your other commenters mentioned that you should make a standing appointment with your sitter for saturdays, and I agree wholeheartedly. Don't lend her out, unless it suits you!
I really am of the opinion that if you don't say anything, the resentment will grow, and then even your special nail outings won't be enjoyable.
The way things are right now, you don't really have anything to lose. But your friend needs to know how you feel, or she will never understand that you can't use your friends like she has used you.
Hope that helps!