Sunday, February 19, 2006

FRIEND OR FOE?

I really have to vent here. Maybe in doing so it will calm down the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not due to catching a bug or eating something that hasn't agreed with me. This has been caused by being deeply hurt by someone I thought was a good friend. I have never been a drama queen...I am a logical and/or diplomatic person most of the time. But I don't have many ppl I call friends. I have many aquaintances yes but friends are rare and chosen. So it stands to reason that if deeply hurt by one...it literally hurts. I have tryed to shake this feeling all weekend but everytime I rehash it in my head I just want to throw up...I know...some may not understand but its true. I feel physically sick about it and even now as I write it I have to tell myself to try to let it go...and the idea of losing a FRIEND of years is hard to swallow...so my dilema is, can I get past this like nothing has happened. I just don't know. Maybe in writting it out I can look at it more objectively.
It starts over a month ago....my friend Liz reminds me of the big Wedding/Marriage Exhabition that happens once a year. I had forgotten about it, and she remembered that its usually this time of year.
Flash forward to about 2 weeks ago...unrelated to the wedding thing...Liz does the same job as me as a foster family, she has 4 sitters that work for her on ocation, she has 3 clients , one is a bit difficult but nothing like my Luc to care for. I on the other hand only have ONE sitter who is qualified to care for luc....Liz uses my sitter (I say mine cause its my only one, not because I think I own her lol, just to be clear).
So Liz asks me cpl weeks ago if I needed my sitter on sat. I say yes, because as she already knows, it is the only day of the week I can actually get out of the house with chris working during the weeks now. Not only to get errands done but just get out to eat a meal or just BREATH OUTSIDE AIR... see other ppl in the world lol. She then asks, what time I thought I would be done. I was like, well, I dont want to feel like rushing things Liz but not to late I suppose. She says no rush no rush..but when we got home she would ask the sitter to go over to her house for the night and next day so she can go out of town to her sons house to help him do some renovations with her hubby. When ever I got home was ok.
Then she asks about the following sat..same reason...Remember, I can,t change it to sunday to help her out cause she needs sitter for both days in a row. So I repeat again, laughing that the thought of going 14 days without going out at all is abit much...this she also knows...she goes out alot more then I and would never be able to stay in a whole week. Anyway...we agree that the same plan will be used for the following sat. Sitter would go over after I get home from my day.

First saturday...well some of u know that Chris hurt his finger.Most of our day was spent in the ER waiting room. I don't mind really..it was still OUT lol, and we were together so..its all good. But due to this accident Chris was given the week off YAY (went by to fast btw)..He had to go back for checkup on the friday..so we needed the sitter here because I also had my monthy nail appointment on friday aswell. Something Liz and I do together every month. So given that Chris was here all week, less need to go out really..I suggested that we keep the sitter here after nails were done and chris and I murge after out appointments and get our stuff done friday evening with supper out etc that way...giving Liz the sitter all of sat. This done as a friend, knowing she could leave earlier.
Well the nails was a bust...as last post stated..major feezing rain and sleet storm so had to cancel that and my sitter..good thing too cause chris didnt get home till close to 8pm...but during the day..this is what ensued...
Liz calls...Chris answers cause I,m busy...she tells him dates for the Wedding Exhibition thing but says for me to call her back.
I do and she then says, she must have got the dates wrong..must be late feb or in march...now she isnt even sure of dates she told Chris...I ask him he says, she said 18th and 19th of feb...I say...ON NO THATS THIS WEEKEND!... (now I know why she thinks its different date, she realized she shot herself in the foot if you know what I mean) She had been the one to call and give the right dates but realized too late that she had my sitter so I couldnt go. In retrospect it was alot clearer after the fact..seeing her try to say it was a different date..anyway...I said well we can make sure right now, let me look online....YUP this weekend...so now she is like..well can't u call someone else to sit? or your daughter?
Now...she knows darn well I have only one sitter...hard enough finding the one I got, only cause she used to work in the field and even with luc..hard enough having someone qualified let alone someone WILLING to care for him. We are also NOT ALLOWED to have anyone under 18 caring for our clients, this she also knows. So now she is like...thats too bad...and I am upset because I can't go...Granted I should have payed more attention to when this thing was...but SHE is the one who called and told me when it was.
Now I have to wonder about it. So anyway, she does not offer to go out of town later, like she would have, had I not changed my own plans to accomadate her. We end our convo, with me being really bumbed and her just saying THAT REALLY SUX.... I am frustated to say the least and tell a friend...who suggests I just come out and ask Liz if she could possibly change weekends..her sons house isnt going anywhere...so I do. I call her back and ask her and she says WELL no...my son is recieving some materials to work with this weekend. She again doesn't offer to go later. AND HERE IS THE REAL KICKER... she says....but hey you can go to next years exhibition.
UM Liz..I say...I will already be married next year!...and she says OH, Aren't you getting married next year?
I swear she could have punched me in the face for the hurt that caused. I have been talking to her for months about my plans and she knows damn well it,s this june...This is a person who I talk on the phone with almost everyday...not just once a month..she and I have talked about all kinds of wedding ideas and such...just the day before I told her we had filled out or wedding liscence documents for valentines day...at her candle party , she told a friend of hers in passing that I was getting married this June... for christ sakes!!!WHY would she or could she be so mean , did she think I could believe she had a temporary case of OH I FORGOT...it's only your wedding.
This woman knew me a few years before I left my ex. She knew me when I was still in denial with that thankless relationship. He always promised he would put a ring on my finger after 12 yrs and never did...(I know, I am slow) took me another 2 yrs to leave him after that even. Ended up being a good thing lol.
So she knows how special this time is for me and Chris. I mean, sheesh...I am getting married for the first time at the young age of 43. She also knows how long it took for us to even get officially engaged.
My first reaction to what she said was..OMG LIZ, We waited almost 4 yrs for his divorse..why would be wait another year now!!...SHE was like OH, I DIDN'T KNOW?
We ended the convo BUT all I can think is WTF WAS THAT???
I could really care less about the wedding thing now...what hurts is her not trying to tweek her schedule under the circumstances, it's not like I could change the date of the wedding thing. I will never be able to go now. Specially given the fact that had I NOT changed my schedule to help her out, I would have been able to go! But to totally disregard or pretend to not even know when I'm getting married..cuts me to the quick. How do I get past it?...
I haven't slept much, keep thinking of it... man, with friends like that who needs enemies? Our nail appointment was put off till tomorrow morning. I am going..but the thought of being with her filles me with nausia...not out of anger, its really hurt. When I thought she was calling today on the caller id, I started to shake before I picked. It was only the sitter lol. I am such a goober. But it goes to show I get feel deeply and strongly when it happens. I totally hate feeling this. I am so affected because it is someone I have cared deeply for for many years...hense why this hurts so much.
PLEASE comment, tell me what u think...I am usually the person other come to to see things umpartially...or I am the mediator...I would be telling me to talk it over with my friend...but I seriously think she is pissed at me for making her feel quilty for using the sitter...I know I KNOW...
Anyway tell me what u think....am I losing it or just being a goober?...

7 comments:

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Bess said...

Hi, honey. I just wandered into your blog at random, and I have to say, you seem like such a good soul. Sorry that your friend hurt you -- that's such an awful feeling. I always try to think of the best possible interpretation for someone's thoughtless actions, but sometimes it's hard to do. It sounds like your friend knew what the true-friend thing to do would be (to send the babysitter to your place and scrap her own plans so that you could go to the convention), and instead she make excuses to herself, and pretended that your feelings wouldn't be hurt, so that she didn't have to give anything up. It sounds pretty selfish of her. All I can say is, if you're going to continue to be friends, don't gloss over this. The strength of your reaction makes me wonder if she's taken advantage of you in little ways before, that you've always waved off. I know that I've had friends like that, and after a long time, those little hurts start to build up.

I hope that deep down, she really is a true friend, and that she comes clean and makes things right with you. That's what you deserve.

christyblue said...

ha...to tha curb with her.BAH pfffttt...your too good to be treated like that and ya know it and i love ya.but do this...you make SURE you have that sitter booked up for months...tell her ya need her for a standing date..hell pay her in advance if ya have too...but make it tight so that lil miss airhead can't have her.i know you are sneakier and more evil than this...and if ya have to puke up the vile thing get to it...lol just kidding...she is very inconsiderate and thoughtless and ya don't need her rainin on your parade.cheer up woman tha lizzerd lubs ya.
huggs
christy

Red Clover said...

Damn Moon.. that is pretty bad. I find it so hard to believe she can't make any shift in arrangements. It's just plain, stubborn ass-in-head disease.

I wish there was something I could say or do.. but I know there's not. >:D< You're right to feel a wee bit pissy, and I couldnt blame you if you called her up and gave her the riot act.

I'm sorry .. hugs

Shannon said...

Yanno........a good headbutt always makes me feel better ;)

You definately need to talk to her about it. That's a given. Just all in how you do it.

But then again, you knew that.

Big hugs to ya.

Rae said...

Hey Moon
I'm not sure what ya did... would like to know if you went and what happened...

I know that you and I had talked about this when it first happened...

I hope you were able to talk to her and let her know how you felt without her being all defensive...

let us know what happened hun

lab munkay said...

Why is it so damn hard for some people just to admit they are wrong. "Sorry Moon, I screwed up the date and forgot about the wedding thingy." Unfortunatly I have an old friend like that. I know I should drop her but we go way back.